05 Jan Self-Care
Why is self-care so difficult for women? We are great in telling our friends they need to take care of themselves; we’re always there to care for others and sacrifice our own needs, yet when it comes to ourselves, we find excuses to not invest in self-care. The reasons or causes vary. Some women give in too easily to their inner voice telling them they don’t have time to do something for themselves, others lack the discipline to maintain a self-care routine. For many, their acts of self-kindness fall to the wayside.
My hope for our conversation was to create a shift in the mindset of the participants so they would be more invested and dedicated to caring for themselves.
At the start of the conversation, everyone agreed that self-care is more than doing yoga or taking an afternoon off for a mani-pedi; it can also include eating well, quieting our inner voice or taking care of our finances. The conversation was a fascinating journey to watch. As we expanded our definition, the women all energetically agreed that self-care should include saying No and setting boundaries with others. There was a sense of empowerment coming from the women. A lion’s roar of “we need to make ourselves feel good!” However, as I shared a thought that self-care was about asking for help, a wall of silence went up. I obviously hit a nerve. “What’s going on?” I asked. Each of the women slowing admitted that asking for help was one of the greatest challenges they struggle with. The reasons fluttered between not wanting to impose, not wanting to seem incapable, asking for help doesn’t enter my mind and the big one – asking for help opens me up to being vulnerable. Yet, each admitted that there is a selfish component to not asking for help because when we do, we are offering the gift of supporting us to someone else.
Our view on self-care stems from our upbringing. Did we have a female role model who took time for herself or were others put as her highest priority? What were the stories we were told as a young girl, the expectations others put on us, and the roles we had within our home? Each of the excuses listed above was created from our upbringing.
As women, we must work to become conscious of who we want to be now and going forward, instead of staying stuck in the past. When we hold a fixed mindset – I am who I am – self-care becomes an impossibility. You see your life as something that you’ve been dealt with. You don’t have any control; you have no choice but to live with it because things will never change. From our conversation, we saw that this wasn’t true. The participants really wanted to invest in self-care on a consistent basis.
As always, the 45-minute conversation flew by. Each woman felt a deeper devotion to caring for themselves on a regular basis and knew that the only way they would be honoring themselves was to face their greatest challenge. Each woman pledged to look for opportunities to ask for help as this was the greatest gift one can give to themselves and to others. And you can bet, I’ll be holding them accountable to this in our Facebook group chats.
Reflection Friday is a free virtual program offered by Business Rescue Coaching for businesswomen to focus on their personal development and growth. Our next call, on January 17, 2020, we’ll be discussing “What Bring You Joy?”. For more information visit the Business Rescue Coaching Events page on Facebook. Participants of Reflection Friday are invited to be part of our closed Facebook group to continue to the conversation between calls. To register for our next call, visit our website – www.businessrescuecoaching.com/events
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